Profiling the Self and Other Rambles

photo courtesy of Mobile1

I am amazed at how I am easily amazed by little things, and just the same at how unperturbed I react with some big ones.  Am I of the psychologically anomalous lot?

I am rather upset by my almost annoying pacifist nature.  Not that I want belligerence into my system; maybe I am led to justify some glitches in self-esteem with being passive.  This has to be dealt promptly.

Shortly after the previous week’s hiatus, I have concluded how thinking equates to therapy.  It’s expected (to say the least) to a melancholy state of mind.  One just has to learn to filter thoughts.  It’s therapy – not hindrance – to an au natural walking psyche.  But too much of it is Prozac – destructive in a way that is addictive.

For a person who once fought and frantically fights inconsistency out of her being, it is to be assumed that she desires consistency from herself and others.  It’s an attempt at security knowing the insecurity the problem at hand brings.  The problem (or rather, the threat of the problem) triggers the solution.

If I were to be my own shrink, I’d diagnose internal entropy – if there’s such a thing.  Seriously, I’d like to teach concord to my id, ego and superego.   I guess it’s all about subduing them three. But most importantly and preferably, it’s bending the will to the right source.

I refuse and henceforth refuse being nondescript.  Not my thing and especially not my nature.  Such a shame if I should waste away like that.

The past week has taught me a lot of good things.  In fact, they’re beyond good. Wielding to refuse condemnation was not big a dilemma but it wasn’t piece of cake either.  The key, I guess and I have peace of assuming correctly, is love.  Hate shouldn’t be my business because it isn’t.  Have I got the nerve to wield it? Not even the right.

If I have to describe the inclusive emotion of the previous week, I would no doubt say bittersweet.  It’s a paradox in itself just as how the past week has been.  Were we created ironical? ‘Coz it seems our very nature – both human and spirit – shout all sorts of ironies.  Mostly, good ones I would like to believe. 

By and large, I wouldn’t expose such a parody of myself (and mind, in particular) in unrestricted space.  But this is an exception because otherwise, I wouldn’t have enough impetus to write when I had wanted to.

In conclusion, you don’t really have to understand my babbling.  As I said, it’s like therapy – this whole rambling thing, this madness. ;)

And no, I’m not at all about to take full interest in Psychology. At least, maybe not yet.