Or rather, think it through.
It’s almost the end of the month and the academic year is fast coming to a close but it seems I’ve been hit by the soul-searching bug at such an inopportune time. My thoughts are running wild and I am almost besieged by all sorts of pressure and the strain of school. I want to scamper away, tempted to put everything on hold and just go out there. But it ain’t gonna happen. This month has been mad. Some of the year’s highlights already transpired this February – the UP Fair, this year’s first Women’s Encounter (the best so far!), birthdays, Citipointe live in church, and lots of other awesomesauce. It has been mad with responsibilities and opportunities. Now that I’ve occasion to step back and reflect, I find myself at a standstill while the world is spinning at a relatively faster pace than when I was younger. Is it the hormones? Is it just the time of the month? Or will this mental and emotional skirmish of trying to figure out what I want (aside from becoming a pastor) last for the rest of my law school life?
Three nights ago I thought I went mental. I was forcing myself to study while in tears. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t absorb anything. I was a wreck who just wanted to know what she wants to do in life so she could move on and do that. (Or who just had too much dose of the Encounter breakthrough that she would rather just hold encounters every week from that time on). Escaping would be the most comfortable thing to do but in times like these, I’d be the masochist. So I did the most sensible thing that night: I prayed. And asked God that if I couldn’t be uprooted from the situation I was in, at least I be given the courage, the calm and the will to fight. And because prayers are miraculous to those who dare, I was answered. I suddenly felt overwhelming peace and found myself in the zone. It was supernatural.
I woke up, went to class and experienced little miracles. I concluded I still had it in me to carry on. Maybe, just maybe, I'm still made for this. :)
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