Prelude to Whatever: Complicated Premises, Simple Conclusion

I’d say the UP College of Law is bent for some hard sell. Or to presume it more accurately, it already has its much coveted buildup as THE killer academic institution. From enrollment to the orientation, I could sense shock waves transmitted from one freshman to the next. Mind you, we haven’t even started yet. And as if we haven’t had enough jitters to spew, the institution seemed to take pleasure in sowing seeds of agitation to the frosh. Not one itty bitty opportunity was missed at insinuating the struggles of this road less traveled. If this is what gearing us up for the pits of law school is, I’d better be praying for some heaven.

Overwhelmed is such an understatement. The opposite – capitulated – is how I’d rather describe it. No matter how hard I scream inside or try to distract myself, I know that it’ll be futile. The best option would be to surrender – surrender every amount of stress and worry to Him, surrender everything to the Father.

I’m caught in a standstill. I’m contemplating whether or not to give up my part-time stint as a writer. Would I be able to juggle? I guess so. But would I be able to juggle without compromising my academics and risking my health? I can’t afford mediocrity in school and in my job. Plus, ministry should not be put on hold. I don’t know if last week’s hiatus from Clementine’s (my little ideapad) momentary death is a sign to stop. Or maybe I was just given enough stretch to decide. In any case, it led to some starting anew. My files are all RIP now. I hardly struggled with the letting go stage. I guess the heavens are telling me to start with a clean slate. I fear I might be exaggerating this experience, but I am at this so-called transition point. It’s pretty tough a stage so I’m cutting myself some slack.

Sigh. Decisions. Decisions. I’ve noticed the alteration in my temperament the past month. I’ve been less analytical and emotional the past weeks. Whenever the spirit of “dwelling on something” lures, I feel like there’s a shield ready to deflect every attack. Good thing Jesus taught us the simplicity of things. People tend to blow up little things. Sometimes, life gets so theatrical because of our inflated view of ourselves. Matthew 5:37 tells us that life is sometimes just a simple “yes” or “no” to which I say, right on! More often than not, we don’t really need that complicated gray, middle area which I abhor BY THE WAY. If we realize that life’s just really simple, we also are able to simplify things.

So, my point exactly is to keep things simple and in perspective. (That’s your grand formula for the next four years?!! Your supposedly well pre-meditated game plan?? Uhuh. I know of no other). When life seems too tough, I pray to remember that God’s love is simple. This goes with every decision. When the next chapter of my life seems so complicated, I know that His love will un-complicate things. When the demands of law school seem to reach zenith, I’d find myself at His feet. When ministry life is on the brink of burn-out, I know His mercies and love are fresh every morning. When I get so complicated, I know His love will un-complicate every complication in me. And His love is the only Truth I know. So I guess that’s just what really matters, eh?

The write-up that never made it to the About Me page

Much to my introversion, I have actually wanted to create a self-portrait back in college.  But since I’m no good at drawing at all, I’ll make up for it in blogging. So excuse me for a blog’s moment.

I’m predominantly melancholic, subsequently phlegmatic and sanguine (they tend to play tug of war), and working on my choleric muscle. I multitask but am not multipurpose. I think I want to live in Fully Booked, the one in Serendra; it’s like a four-/five-storey nerd’s haven. I have found out that there is actually a sense of fulfillment in doing your own laundry.  I seriously want to sky-dive.  I have selective academic memory, an attempt to justify a deficit in mathematical flair (haha).  I am petite, deal with it. I love the word “perennial”. I am eclectic when it comes to music (I appreciate the 70s, was born an 80s fan, left my heart in the 90s and going with the flow of the double zeroes).  Can I qualify myself multilingual? For an aspirant, I am fairly fluent in English, Tagalog and Ilonggo and can say “I love you” in about 11 languages…and c-o-u-n-t-ing. Holy (or godly) is the new handsome. A Kindle is a wish, an iPad another wish, but books are a timeless essential.  I have aligned myself a few notches left of center in the political spectrum – this is in hindsight; now my politics is based solely on His. Contrary to common standards, love, for me, is no trial and error; I am not for trial and I am not an error. I believe in a three-fold profession: to administer justice, to preach, and to go forth and multiply. Of course, to love is the upward call. My personal credence is not hot or cold and especially not lukewarm; I’d very much prefer white-hot (thanks to Rhoald Dahl for the term). I don’t want to live elsewhere abroad ‘coz I love my Philippines, baby! There is no such thing as an “accident” because I wouldn’t be in Destiny if this wasn’t so. 

Once upon a time, I was good as dead.  But then I met grace hanging on the Cross. Now I know I have my happily ever after.

My Happy Life Song

(Because it just captures so much ^_^)

AND SO I AM - Erin O'Donell

I have been known to overanalyze
I like ice cream but only late at night
I don't give up without a decent fight
This is who I am

I am a hopeless romantic
But life leaves no time to get caught up in it
But still my cup is overflowing with
Happiness and joy

Chorus
I am faith and hope
I know 'cause I am known
Your are life and love
You are and so I am

I am the owner of a moody soul
I try to accept the things I can't control
There's so much that I guess I'll never know
I take it as it comes

I don't drink coffee
I like my sleep
It's hard to admit it when I have a need

Good or bad this is the truth about me
But more importantly....

Chorus

You are and so I am
Undeserving but forgiven
I was hopeless but now i'm living
I was lost until you found me
I am free because you saved me

I am faith and hope
I know 'cause I am known
You are life and love
You are and so I am
I am grace and truth
I am all things in you
You are life and love You are and so I am 

Thinking Out Loud

 I am for Eddie Villanueva. I will vote for him for what he is and what he is not.

What he is levels the playing field when juxtaposed to the likes of Teodoro and Gordon, and maybe even Aquino.  What he is not shames the others known for political and moral sleaze.

What he is is what others are not and maybe vice versa. 

If we talk about galing, he may not exactly be topnotch but he has it, to say the least. Marcos and GMA had their chance of putting their genius to good use, but they blew it – BIG TIME.  And whoever said skill and genius can save this nation? We had had far too many geniuses that bled dry the nation’s coffer.  Our nation plunged to a downward spiral ever since Marcos.

If we talk leadership, the guy’s piloting multitudes. There’s not a trace of doubt in my mind about his ability to lead a people. He took care of his flock successfully.  He who is faithful with a few can be trusted to take care of the many given him.  What makes him capable, you ask? Simple: He took care of his Father’s sheep.

If we talk passion, the guy’s a walking image emblazoning the very term.  I don’t mean to be blunt about it – I am blunt about it. A self-confessed ex-atheist, he rallied in the streets against martial rule before he rallied people to the Source of it all.  Radical is what he was and still is.  His love for the Philippines never dwindled upon discovering faith.  Through His love for God, a deeper love for his country was birthed. I don’t mean to sound religious but you gotta deal with it.  His passion’s the REAL thing.

If we talk virtue, he just might put to shame his contenders – a point I will not further explicate because bashing would be unnecessary.

If we talk integrity, I see no other who can boldly embody the word without claiming it for himself.

If we talk competence, he’s in. That he had experience lecturing about Political Economy or that he went to a prestigious law school are just mere add-ons.

If we talk faith, speaking in his behalf won’t suffice.  To call him just a religious leader to downgrade his qualification is pitiful an attempt.  To use the supposed separation of the Church and the State to counter the guy’s bid for the presidency is out of context.  The Preamble commences imploring the aid of the Almighty God, not the aid of religion.  We need to understand that religion is not God.  It’s highly agreeable that leaders like Villanueva shouldn’t become politicians. Why would he? After all, he was called to PUBLIC SERVICE and not to the comical world of POLITICS. There’s a fine line of difference right there.

If we talk utang na loob, don’t we want a president who is accountable only to God and to his countrymen – not to any political trapos?  I don’t want a leader shifting sides when self-serving interests call for it. I don’t want a leader wavering between opinions.

The Philippines does not need another lesser evil.  Let’s raise the honor of this country, por favor. At such a dismal state, I don’t want to play my cards on ambiguity anymore.  The Philippines may not deserve the kind of leadership it hopes for, but it needs it direly. 

We’re choking to death but eggheads still boast their own cynicism. We’re down in the dumps and complain, but we choose to remain there by voting blindly.  We’re close to hopeless as a nation yet we fail to anchor our hopes in the right source.  We want change but we’re betting on leaders that can’t even change themselves. My pastor put it perfectly when he said, “A leader that cannot even change himself cannot change the whole nation.”

Do we deserve a better Philippines? We may not. But I WANT a better one.

 2010-2016? I say babangon tayo. Eddie Ako.

Let me write about you

…about your ways familiar, your natural concern, your intuition almost always right, your character indomitable, your calm upon every storm, your beauty radiating by age, your conviction strong-willed and wise, your love so true and outright.

…about your stance willful but gentle, your diversions infectious and feeding, your heart so big untainted, your wit that never fails to cheer, your presence prized more than gold, your love unrelenting.

…about your spirit childlike and true, your beauty from the inside out, your nature true to form, your heart ever so patient, your soul forgiving, your love untainted.

…about your aura placid as ever, your genius you must realize, your innocence behind the mask, your future stellar, your love quiet and meek.

…about your wisdom of old, your heart fragile but overflowing, your blood flowing in mine, your companion whose love lingers, your love ever growing.

…about you and the future, your friendship genuine, your alliance everlasting, your love by His love, your life-bearing love.

…about you prized more than life, your smiles tear-jerking, your laughter joy-giving, your hugs uplifting, your love consuming.

…about You and You and You and You

…about Your love eternal, about Your love saving, Your love dying, Your love creating, Your love haunting, Your love unfailing, Your love securing, Your love unending, Your love absolute.

So, let me write about You.