As a Matter of Fact

Superstition has its roots on ignorance (and foolishness).  It succeeds the lack of precisely accurate understanding.  What is it with people justifying superstition with the rationale that there is nothing to lose when one resorts to it? Better compromise than sorry.  That’s what it is, even when it seems you’re not compromising. As a matter of fact, there is a lot to lose.  We are a Christian nation, so it is said.  But we are also a people who confuse faith with feng shui.  You see altars at home with images of angels and saints and all around you also see figures and figurines for good luck emblazoning the irony of monotheism and idolatry.  Man sure has a way of resolving uncertainty. To put it more simply, how can one say he believes in an absolute God and all other things that come with that belief when he also believes in such things as luck and fortune-telling and magical spells?


Oh yeah, as a matter of fact, there is a lot to lose.  My Sage Dictionary tells me that “faith” is complete confidence. It is a strong belief in a supernatural power that control human destiny.  It’s either/or, people. You know, we can only have faith in one.  I don’t think it’ll work two-way.  We either have faith in Him or have faith in something else.  We cannot claim both.  As illustration, allow me to use a man torn between two lovers – the wife and the mistress.  The mistress, assuming she knows that she is a mistress, would more often than not somehow stomach and tolerate the set-up.  But the wife, upon the knowledge of the cheating lover, wouldn’t allow for that set-up to continue lest she has completely lost her mind and self-worth.  Because the fact of the matter is, they are bound by a supposedly sacred covenant of exclusive partnership.  And let me highlight the EXCLUSIVE right there. Aren’t you hurt when a partner cheats or rejects you? Well, lemme break your ice: God has feelings too. This may not be too good an example but you get the point.  I don’t want to sound accusatory and express some kind of bravado; it’s just mind-boggling really.  People search for some sense of security and they want to optimize every possibility to a point that they believe in a lot of things that can sometimes (or oftentimes) be contradictory.  The opportunity cost of it may not always be tangible, but for a believer of the spiritual, I say we pay a high price for it.


I don’t know what’s worse, being blind or myopic? Blindness is complete ignorance.  You are made to believe something because that’s the only piece of information fed you.  Myopia on the other hand is nearsightedness (aka foolishness).  You can see; you just can’t see that far.  You are clued-up but you just choose idiocy out of sheer insecurity.  Amazingly, I guess the latter is worse.

Defining Desperation

It’s when you do everything to have it. It’s when you do everything for it. It’s when you do everything to be consumed by it. It’s hopelessness without the One you anchor your hope on.  It’s oblivion if otherwise not had. It’s either/or.  It’s life or death.  It’s a cry to the last breath. It’s when you give up your everything for your Everything.  It’s when it’s the only option you consider and you shall ever consider.  It’s when it’s now or never.  It’s your All.  And it is when your All is the only constant in a timeframe that is forever.

The rubbish that is not, actually

What is it with those butterflies fluttering in your tummy? You’re starved and suddenly you could just vomit 3 spoonfuls. Just a glimpse and boom! There goes your appetite. To what can I compare the feeling? When it strikes so ephemerally, I think of thunder. And then there are times you are caught off guard. You think you’re in the comforts of the earth’s crust, and then you are stricken. You think it’s so overrated so you feign un-affection. But I don’t think so. It’s something that I surmise the universe conspires to make happen.

So I’m talking my own gibberish, trying to sound less like what I want to communicate, actually. It’s not suppression. It’s coy. It’s what happens when your cheek goes all red.

The Smell of Home is Oh So Sweet

After what felt like an eon, I’m back home. Nothing beats the feel of stepping in familiar, sugarcane-planted ground. Our dogs gave the best welcome reception, hands-down to them. The moment I stepped out of the car and entered our gate, the two Rotts went berserk. As mom would put it, palagi naman ‘yan excited ‘pag dumating kami pero ngayon yung excitement nila eh yung tipong hindi mapakali. Yes, I’m that superstar. They missed me and their memories were in perfect condition – except for Sweetie who kept sniffing me for some ‘ol familiar smell. I couldn’t blame her though, she was a baby Daschund the last time she saw me. Her mother, my loyalist, on the other hand kept jumping at me and peeing uncontrollably. Now that is what you call EXCITEMENT, baby.

*sigh* I missed them and it feels awesomely good to be home.

On a darker yet optimistic note, I found myself in the hospital as soon as I arrived. A relative Tito of ours was in critical condition at the ICU. I was with his son on the flight back home and we had to rush him to the hospital to see his dad as soon as we got off. Miracles happen and the father-son reunion was a lot of drama but this is not an entry of remorse. My tito was faring better. He was able to give me a thumbs-up sign when it was my turn to see him. Prior that, mom and cousins recounted how they almost lost him. His heart stopped beating thrice. My dad theorized he crossed-over. My tito wrote he saw a white figure (amidst the stark darkness) egging him to fight when he was at the most critical point. Whatever happened, I am thankful. It’s always grace that brings us back to life. The moment we are brought back, we become new. And we fulfill the purpose – the very reason – we have been brought back or “given the second chance” to live.

Some first day that was. I led prayer before meals during dinner. Opportunities are everywhere. I’m in for some grand vacation.

On Life Goals

It has been an occasional habit of mine to jot down my dreams and aspirations – trivial and fundamental alike – whenever I feel like rekindling that visionary in me. I didn’t start with a pen and a piece of paper; the onset of trying to document my life goals started in virtual space when the strain of academics would command some distraction. Oftentimes, coming up with a dream journal would serve a bipartite purpose: stress-busting and big-picture thinking. A hefty undergraduate academic load can honestly take your mind off the end to which your going to college is a means. It’s rather ironic, really. You know you’re in college but you forget the passion that drove you to the institution in the first place. Pressure that’s uncalled for can totally wreak havoc on dreams and ambitions. You begin to wonder if you can make it to the end of the tunnel.

I’ve been through that phase; or is just me? But writing down both far-fetched and frivolous life goals made and make for a handy coping mechanism. Every once in a while, I get these light bulb moments or come across some read on the most random stuff and get enticed to try it sometime. There’s freedom in hoping that someday you’d actually get all those ideas to fruition. After some time, I’d be so absorbed with other things that I’d forget about having written down dreams. Then I’d discover some interesting place around town or in the globe and dream about waking up there the following day. Or I would stumble upon some unheard-of book that would spark my imagination. Sometimes, I’d find myself striking a conversation with a stranger that would leave me wanting more encounters. That’s when I would update my life goals. Every now and then, it gets updated and the list just keeps getting longer and longer. It didn’t cross my mind – until now – that all those dreams might not actually be met. But I never really cared. Nor shall I give in to defeat of the possible un-realizations. As a child, I was already a big dreamer who would reach for the farthest and brightest star if I could. I would just always shrug off the impossibilities even though I was occasionally met with dissuasions from people – even those dearest to me. But growing up and discovering faith and my spiritual core permitted me to dream some more. Life goals - whether trifling wishes, fancy aspirations, or long-term visions - are like seeds of dreams planted in a heart that when nurtured, grows and bear fruits of actualization.

Just recently, office hours had been relatively dragging. I would remedy boredom by scoring valuable random pieces of information in the World Wide Web. And all those browsing and surfing just actually fed me with a lot of new stuff that I could possibly (or impossibly, for the naysayer) venture into. And so, I created one more of the many life goals sketch pads I have – only now, I added another category: dream destinations for missions. While busy jotting down my material wish list, it suddenly hit me that this whole diversionary tactic of “life-goal-ing” is actually working. There had been a lot on my previous lists that got checks and a lot more being realized as I write this entry. Ergo, my efforts had not been in vain after all. And this just made me realize how I was receiving blessing after blessing by just keeping faith and successfully paying no heed to negativities. J

My vision for life drives my purpose. My life goals do not necessarily dictate my whole life – as I vow not to spend too much time just dreaming about them – but they set the direction of my sail. It’s crazy-fun how it all turns out. You just forget about the limits amidst the limiting circumstances that surround you and the negative people that hound you. Every now and then, I would drop some out of the blue remarks to my ‘rents like reconsidering law school and trying out some other career path and it would just devastate them – although my dad tries his hardest to keep his cool even in his disappointment. Inside, I would flare up and try to vindicate myself but then I’d just laugh it off eventually. We needn’t argue. They would often try to smooth-talk me out of the craziest and sometimes far-fetched aspirations with the “jack of all trades, master of none” one-liner. But they know I’d never be dissuaded and I know that they’d always be there to support all the way despite the objections and long sermons. I’m grateful beyond words for my two God-given pillars that never failed to hold up to my past unbearable self and to buoy up the transformation faith and grace has done in my life.

My life goals have never been just my own. They were born neither in my head nor in my heart but instilled in me by the freedom that grace rendered on the Cross. In the end, it will all and still boil down to that. J

P.S.

If a good soul out there (by any stroke of destiny and since its nearing the holidays) wants to grant some of my life goals, I’d be delighted to divulge to you my wish list. HAHA :D